Death and Peace

On the morning of June 8, 2009 I got a phone call that devastated me.
My grandpa Neal had passed away suddenly earlier that morning. He was 86.

He was out in his neighborhood putting up the widows and other elderly folks' garbage cans like he did every Wednesday morning. He came in and was a bit shaky, my grandma asked if he felt alright and he said not really. He sat down, took his hat off and my grandma went to kiss his forehead. He turned his head to the side and was gone. Just like that.

My grandma had forgotten 911 and so she drove up to my mothers(she lives like 1/4 mile up the road)and got her and my BIL. They got to the house and my BIL called 911. They knew he was gone though and didnt pursue CPR nor allowed the EMT's to do it either once they got there. It was just obvious his spirit was gone and they didnt want to disturb his body by trying CPR.

I was blessed to have my hubby there that day because of a drs appt that kept him from going to work. I cried and he held me and we started making arrangements to get there on Friday.

*I want to say that after the funeral and speaking to my mom and sister we realized how the higher power had really worked some magic in making everything happen just for that one event.*

My mother and I havent spoken since November. My sister Bryton and her family were visiting mom and popped down to visit me and my boys Tuesday afternoon. Total shock as I havent seen any of them in like 2 yrs. Then Wednesday....grandpa died.

My sister and her family werent supposed to be at moms for another week but my BIL's work switched up and they came early. My mother was to work that morning but she decided to take Wednesday off as my sister was planning to leave Friday and she wanted more time with them. So, because of these funny little occurances, these shouldnt have beens...my sister and her hubby were there to help mom and grandma get through that day. My sister, who is newly pregnant and quite sick, dealt with the mortuary while mom comforted my disbelieving grandma.

Friday afternoon came and my family hit the road and made it to my grandmas. She was in shock, as well she should have been. She just couldnt believe he'd leave without saying goodbye or allowing her to do it. She was told by myriads of people what a blessing it was he went quickly and didnt suffer. Im sure sometime in the near future that will totally sink in and she'll realize it to.

Saturday was his funeral. It was lovely. The mortuary kept things flowing nicely. It was hard, I didnt want to go to the viewing, didnt wanna see my grandpa like that but when grandma got to the door she saw him and nearly collapsed. My mom, sisters, and I braced her and helped her to a chair to sit by his head. Family came, cousins and my aunt and my grandmas sister who is sickly herself...all came. Friends from their branch(they are LDS) came and honored grandpa. Some came simply to help cook lunch for the family members(for after the burial).

As they called on us to say our final goodbyes before the lid closed my grandma insisted we all kiss him. I could not do that. I could not kiss a shell, so instead I whispered in his ear that Id see him next time, as I had my hand on his shoulder. If you could have seen the desperation in my grandma's eyes then you'd understand how hard it was to not kiss him, she sooo wanted everyone to but I just couldnt.

They even found young ladies to watch my 3 boys during the viewing and funeral service so they wouldnt be too disturbing. That was very helpful.

There were a couple of nice talks by my cousins and my BIL(who idolized my grandpa)did his eulogy. He and my grandma were married for nearly 68 yrs....now you can understand why this is so hard for her. Thats a long time to be together and to have that taken so quickly...hard.

We went to the gravesite and watched as the military honored my grandpa for his service in WWII(Navy). My grandma got the flag and my cousin said a prayer dedicating the grave(LDS custom).

We went and chatted with relatives we hadnt seen in forever, introduced my cousins to my husband and sons as they'd never met. Had a nice lunch.

The sadness was thick in the air. You could feel that life was just different now and normal was a thing of the past.

My grandma, who is so strong, is still in a bit of shock and is very sad. We worry about her so we are all gathering to keep her strong from our various points in this planet.

As for me...
Im sad. I know my sadness is weak in comparison to my grandma's(and probably my moms too)but its there. I dont feel like doing anything, I dont feel right. Somethings off and I realize its cuz grandpas not nearby anymore. I cant go visit with him or chat with him on the phone. The world is just a wee bit emptier now.

I know in my heart and soul that he is in a place and our circle isnt broken...we WILL meet again. I feel that peace in my entire being.

However, there is a part of me that is completely mortal and I miss him. I will miss him forever even as my life slowly returns to some kind of normal. I am sad, I dont like that his body is in the ground...that just about killed me, seeing his grave the day after the funeral. I said a few more things to him, like that I knew he wasnt there anymore but it was still hard to see his grave but our circle wasnt broken and we'd meet again. That I knew he knew he was loved very much by us all and that we'd miss him.

Its such an odd sensation, being at peace and knowing yet having this mortal experience and know that you will miss him and you are sad and you feel so "off". Thats the best word I can use to describe how I feel. Listless and "off".

My grandpa was a wonderful, caring man whose death should show that because he died right after doing a good deed. One of a trillion he did in his lifetime without expecting anything in return.

This is not the end grandpa....only a seperation til we meet again! Ill forever love you.

Its Finally Over...

my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is.

It took 2 years but someone finally pulled their head out and completed the paperwork for us.
All it took was a sarcastic letter to my supposed visiting teacher(who only sent photocopies of the months lessons and not even a handwritten note from her...ya way to care lady).

But its done, we are officially O U T and Im at peace. I was a bit nervous and felt like something had been untied from around me for the first day but now...well I still feel like something was untied but Im at peace.

Its a nice feeling but I realize it will be a stab in the heart of my entire family if they find out not only did I leave the church but got my name removed as a member as well. They will never get it and all hell would break loose Im sure but its my life, not theirs.

Thankfully, they arent talking to me really at this point so that wont be an issue and Id probably never bring it up anyway. Now lets hope the church doesnt take it into their own hands to try and get me back by telling my family.

Ah well, next phase of life is continuing w/o the church and its strings.

Best of Times, Worst of Times...

Well on Monday was our middle sons 3rd birthday. It was simple but nice, way I like 'em LOL. He got a couple of stuffed Disney items he saw in the store and wanted and I made him a red velvet cake with a big number 3 written on it in sprinkles(green).
His uncle and aunt and cousins got him a Mickey Mouse see n say and a musical Little Einsteins toy...he loves them both.

Then Tuesday, life went to hell....
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Dan woke up shaking and barely able to walk or breathe. I felt he was warm so knew he had a fever but it didnt seem overly bad. He refused to go to the hospital or have me call his brother but he relented cuz he wanted me to let his brother know that he wouldnt be able to fix his car that day. But I, of course, told them what was going on and they said to call if I needed them.

Well around 630am I told Dan I was going to take a shower and if he was still off or had gotten worse I was calling his brother back and we were going in. He half nodded and I went and showered.

I was gone maybe 15 mins max and when I got back he was on fire and unable to open his eyes and just kept mumbling NO and WHY a lot. He wouldnt respond to me at all. I immediately grabbed the phone and ran to the bedroom to call his brother(didnt want the kids in a panic cuz they were up and running). I was panicked and near tears when I called and he said they would be out and on their way in under 5 mins.

So I paced for the next 30 mins or thereabouts(his brother lives about 20 mins away on the other side of town and with rush hour traffic took a bit longer than usual). Dan wouldnt open his eyes just kept mumbling NO and WHY and when I talked to him he called me MOM. He then proceeded to call me MOM(should note his mom died 11 yrs ago) and when I said she wasnt here he got into a conversation with me in the midst of his delirium. He asked where she was and I said HEAVEN. He said no she wasnt and I said ok where is she then and he said she was right next to him holding his hand and he moved his hand out reaching and grasping "hers".

Of course, I freaked because when very sick people see dead relatives its not usually a good sign.

He kept mumbling for a bit and when Id talk he kept calling me mom but I had to keep him going so I knew he was still breathing,etc.

At one point(and from this point on I might get the order a bit mixed up but not what he said and did) he called for his mother and I said, again, she wasnt here. He said she was and I asked where and he said the kitchen. He was with her and she told him he couldnt go with her, that he had to stay here. Imagine the thoughts running through my head at this point and me trying to keep it all together cuz the boys are running around not sure whats up(I was crying a bit though just not as hysterically as I wanted to LOL).

He then called over Connor and gave him a big hug and said he loved him very very much. Then Avery and then Devinn. When I handed him Devinn he grabbed him and said "my sweet, sweet Devinn" He's NEVER EVER EVER used those terms in our 7 yrs together.

I should note, he did all of this talking with his eyes closed. When calling for his mom or asking Why or saying NO he had tears streaming down his face but eyes were closed.

Anyway, back to the conversation. He then said Hillarie and I said "yes love" and he said I love you very very much. And then proceeded to tell me he was Susan(Dans mother) and that I wasnt to go to the hospital with him because it was a butcher shop and if he went he'd catch some kind of infection and die. That he needed aspirin and ice and he'd be fine. Then she/he made me promise to not take him to the hospital. I said I couldnt promise that because I was scared but Id try. I also said Robert was coming. He/she said Roberts coming? and I said yes he will be here soon and he/she said Robert will know what to do. "Susan" kept telling me that its happened to Dan before and Robert would know what to do. No hospital!

"Susan" said she could not see the future nor past just the here and now(dont know why it was said). Said he(Dan) would be alright.

I said well do you have a message for Robert and she said to tell him she loved him, always had and that she was sorry and never meant to hurt him(she disowned him over some hurtful actions on his part) and that she was always with him. I asked if she was watching over my boys and she said always. I should note that she, at this point, told me she had to go cuz it was too much of a strain on Dan to stay there. I said why not wait til Robert was here and then he pulled up.

Then Robert and his wife showed up. I told them what he had said when talking as if Susan. They were a little bit ummmm unnerved by it but blew it off and went to work helping me cool him down. Right after they showed up tho he grabbed Robert and told him what Susan had wanted me to tell him(said it as if still Susan I should say).

I have to tell you, while talking as Susan I had a sense of peace come over me and the panic and fear left. Why, I dont know but it did. So Im grateful for that delirious ummm "take over". I know most wont believe she was really here but I do. Things were said that I never knew(like him going through this before) and the way she talked to the boys isnt Dans normal thing.

I know being delirious can cause a lot of funny things to be done and said but I do think his mom was here. When your mind is so fried I think you can connect to the other side...but thats just me and I realize there is skepticism.

By 10am, after a cold bath and water being dumped on him and a period of fever down then spiking and him thinking it was 1993...he finally broke the fever.

He feels like he's been run over by 100 trains LOL but the fever is gone and he's back with us(so to speak). He has NO memory of the events between going to bed the night before and waking up in a tub full of cold water.

Robert said he doesnt need to know any of the stuff that went on during his feverish time so Ive not told him anymore than mumbling Why and NO and I promised he never said anything hurtful(which he didnt).

So that was my day. It was all done by 11am. He had a normal temp and was in and out of sleep the rest of the day.

Today, he's still feeling crappy and sleeping off and on. Im just glad the temp is gone even if a bit of the crud remains. His body went through a lot yesterday....he needs to rest!

Why...

must life be such a pain one minute and joy the next?

Ok, so life has gone on like normal for the most part.

A week ago I see some surprising changes in Dan. He's more helpful and not so gloomy and down in the dumps(remember, he's got depression/anxiety disorder) and he wants to better himself. He apologized for not being the man I married,etc. Things Ive been waiting to see and hear from him forever!

Its been amazing and I shared a bit of that with some ladies Ive been chatty/friendly with for 4 yrs now. What happened taught me to not share so much which makes me sad.

One of the ladies got disgusted by stuff Dan had not tended to in a while that I mentioned he finally did and asked me to help remind him about,etc. She continued to wig on me despite what I said. Wondered if the kids and I took care of those things and she didnt understand why I wasnt grossed out by it. For a while I thought she was kidding but then it became evident she wasnt. So I asked her why she felt so "outraged" by it all when it had NOTHING to do with her or her life,etc. She then decided to tell me all she hated about me and my family and how lacking she found me when it came to certain things.

So, after a bit more than 4 yrs of being a member of that group and being a friend(so I thought) I left the group. I will not return.

Most of the ladies were on my Facebook page and I took that particular lady off my friends list that very day. The others I waited on to see what would be said, if anything, since the "attacker" and I were the only one on the board most of the day. I got 2 messages from 2 different ladies explaining how they found it bad what the "attacker" had done and inappropriate and they wished me well and hoped I would know they didnt all feel that way and that the other lady should have gone about it differently,etc.

The other ladies, although make comments on my daily wall sayings, have not mentioned the incident. Im a bit upset that these supposed friends havent come to my defense or said something to me like the 2 other ladies did but alas...such is the way of "true" friendship. Im sure they've forgiven the "attacker" and called me immature for leaving and all that. I know how they work....Im sure Ive become the bad one and that everything the "attacker" said was true even if she did go about saying it in the wrong way.

Ya, Im still a bit pissed about it all but whatever. I know my real friends and I know they understand why I feel the way I do on certain subjects and I know they get that some things people tend to do naturally becomes harder when you are depressed,etc. So those little things that we take for granted are BIG to them so when they start working on getting past it...it IS a HUGE deal and should be celebrated!

So we are BBQ'ing tomorrow with Dans brother and SIL. Those are our plans!

Bones Turns 5

My oldest baby turned 5 earlier this week.
I cant believe 5 yrs have already passed since he came into our lives.

He was born at 1228pm on a Tuesday. He was born with black hair that had these cool red highlights to it but within a couple of weeks it was gone and the blonde came in. I was bummed but such is life LOL.

He was an easy going child and I wish some of that would return. At about 17 mths the hell began and its still steamrolling across our family.

Now please dont mistake this for not loving him, it just makes him a difficult child to deal with. He's so smart you cant reason with him as he already knows but does it anyway. Nothing phases him as far as punishment goes(and we've tried it all). He just enjoys being mean to his brothers and mother and enjoys doing those things that will hit the button.

Despite his difficulty he's a loving child. He is big on being held and hugged and loves to learn. He will absorb anything you show him and is so inquisitive that he just never stops talking or asking questions. He wants answers even if you have none...best find them LOL. He loves to be read to and will probably be an avid reader once he starts doing so.

He's also very imaginative and comes up with the craziest scenarios that make you giggle by the bucketloads.

Anywho, we had a nice party for him that wasnt too much(we arent big party doers to begin with). He got his purple cake and some cool new coloring books(he loves drawing and coloring) and he got a paint book with watercolors and he absolutely LOVED it. First time he'd done it and he thought it was the coolest thing since being born LOL.

His name is Connor and he gave himself the nickname of Bones. So that is who he is and that is who we celebrated.

Samhain Experience

I have this posted elsewhere but want to delete it there. I want to not lose it as I dont think I could perfectly re-post it again word for word so Im pasting it here.
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I wanted to share the experience DH and I had last night during our Samhain celebration.
We didnt do a formal ritual to celebrate, instead we had a mute/dumb dinner. If you are unfamiliar with this its basically a dinner to invite ancestors to join you and there is no noise made during the dinner.
You use fall fruits and veggies and there are cakes called Soul Cakes you can make as well. Plus whatever meat seems appropriete.
You use black everything...forks, plates, cups, candle, tablecloth. You only eat by candlelight and you put items representing your ancestors on the table(pictures, items of theirs or that you feel represents them,etc).
So here is how our night went....
**We couldnt do this while our boys were awake because they could never have kept quiet LOL, so we waited til they were all in bed(a little after 9p).
Once down I got the table set up and plates ready to go. We had apple slices and I made Dumb Cakes, we didnt do a full feast because it was later so it was more like Mute/Dumb dessert LOL.
After all was set up I took a sage stick and cleansed the table area as well as DH and myself. Then DH lit the candle and I turned off the light and we sat and watched the flame and looked at the pictures we'd laid out.
I recently lost my great Aunt but I dont have a picture of her but I did write her a message that I would burn later so I focused on that and in my mind I saw her face and conversations we'd had over the years. I dont know what was going on in DH's head but a lot of it had to do with his mom...he misses her terribly and she's never out of his thoughts.
I just want to say this next part is something DH and I both experienced and questioned each other about after we were in bed.
Twice, while we were focusing on our ancestors the candle flame seemed to take direction all on its own. There was no wind blowing through the house, no a/c on, we werent breathing on it.
The flame stopped flickering and pointed, literally, in the direction of our family pictures and then pointed first to DH and then to me and then back to the pictures. It did this twice during our "dinner". Different times it wasnt twice in a row.
It was really neat and definately gave us the impression someone or several someones were about and letting us know they were there and all was well.
Another thing I notced but DH didnt was the wall. There were times the flame wasnt flickering much but Id look at the wall and the top of DH's mom/grandma picture frames were moving up and down, up and down.
The other thing I noticed is that at first I was quite hot then my body went back to normal temp except around my shoulder area...felt like I had a shawl wrapped around me.
It was a VERY beautiful experience!!! Something we look forward to repeating next year.
One other thing...
When we went to burn my message to my great Aunt DH noticed that as it burned in the pan the message burned bright red. He also caught(I saw it but didnt realize it was odd cuz I dont burn paper much LOL) that the envelope itself was doing some strange burning where it would have little tiny sparks going in and out, in and out.
Overall, Im so glad we did this and look forward to do it for many years to come and especially bringing the boys into it once they are old enough to be still LOL.

Reunion & A Vent

So we had the reunion with another of Dans brothers this past weekend.

M came up with his wife K and their son, B. It was a crowded couple of days in my home. Never had that many people visiting LOL. It was a good time though. Dan was soooo happy and we all got along well,etc.

In August the last brother, also the youngest one, will be here to get married so we will have a reunion then. Im kind of hoping to do a Christmas in August type deal if possible. Since its been nearly 11 yrs I think a Christmas altogether would be great, especially since it wont be possible for everyone to be together in December.

We shall see.

Now for my vent....
In November I had the falling out with my mother and told her no contact at that time. I just had so much hurt going on I didnt want to say something I couldnt take back that would make things unfixable. Perhaps, to her, I already had....I dont know and dont care. She needed to hear my feelings about her and how she's been treating us and she said some hateful and hurtful things that she will never take back.

Nonetheless, in January I decided the boys shouldnt be seperated fully from their grandmother as they knew her and loved her. So I figured they could "write" to her i.e. me write their words. So we wrote her a letter and the boys, especially my oldest, were thrilled. Keep in mind that the mail only takes 2 days to get from here to there, maybe 3 if things are weird. I waited for a return letter figuring she would reply to the grandbabies she swore she loved and adored and only wanted the best for,etc.

Valentines week, I get cards from my grandmother for the boys and one shows up for Devinn from my mother. Where are the ones for the older two?? Do they exist? Is she being mean? What?

Oh wait...thats right, she was at my sisters house, the one she prefers to spend all her time with. So ok, I let it go that she didnt reply before leaving for sisters house.

Well, Valentines came and went and there were no cards in the mail that day either. The Monday after Valentines, they showed up. Boys were ecstatic. There was no real letter response but it was obvious, as she sent them in the first place, she knew she could now send them cards and letters. All she said in them was to eat lots of candies and have a good day and hoped my oldest was excited and getting ready for Kindergarten.

BIG FREAKIN' DEAL. They wrote her front and back filled paper and she gives them 1/2-1 paragraphs.

So I figure, better than nothing and we go on. They send her a thank you letter and write more later that week.

We have yet to recieve anything from her.

Now, you might blame work or other activities but I know thats not the case. She works 1/2 days and the only thing she does is a once a month church duty and visits with my grandparents(either them to her place or her to theirs). Occasionally something else like helping my sis if sick or whatnot.

There is NO way she doesnt have 15 mins to sit and write a letter within a day of her getting theirs and getting it out the next day. NONE WHATSOEVER!!!

I dont know what to do, keep having them write letters that will never be returned or just stop and let her drown in her own pity. My dad(parents divorced 18 yrs ago)said he'd love letters and would respond so I think Ill have them start writing him instead and let mom go for the time being but it makes me angry that she cant let whatever she's feeling go for the boys sake.

BAH, it shouldnt be this way.

Irritations

This might not be a popular post, if anyone actually reads it, so just avoid it if you wish.
I feel like getting some irritations out so Im gonna do it here.

*I think if you dont vax your child(for the main stuff, not talking flu or chicken pox)you are an idiot. However, that doesnt mean I wont respect your decision since you have to live with it, not me. But please dont assume I am uneducated or just stupid for vaxing my children...that isnt the case. And if you wanna go there...I WILL call you an idiot and I wont have to back myself up.

*I think religion is a crutch. I think you can have spirituality w/o religion. I think you can have faith w/o believing in a god of any kind. I think if you cant argue w/o the bible then dont bother because not everyone believes in it and so its not a good "debate tool" when trying to prove your point.

*I think public schools get suckier and suckier and that scares me.

*I think people need to pull their heads out when it comes to weight. Just because some of us are overweight doesnt make us lepers or less than other people. We are just as intelligent, just as loving, just as kind, just as great as the skinny person down the road.

*I think your kids can survive without going to the park daily.

*I think you can survive without your family and still be happy.

*I think friends are great but not if they arent true friends.

*I think if you act like a friend but then "drift" away because the other didnt attend a social event with you...you suck and werent a real friend to begin with.

*I think I should be able to say my children drive me batty and not be labeled unloving,etc as a mother.

*I think people who think they know all because they "researched" something online for months are stupid and dont really understand research at all. And frankly, Id love to be a fly on the wall in a few years when the research they thought was unfallible because obsolete and what they refused to do or believe becomes the "best" way to do things,etc. Man will I laugh my arse off when that day comes.

Ok...thats it for now. I feel a bit better and will add when I feel the urge.

Amazing...

It truly amazes me to see what a difference a day truly CAN make.

My last blog took place the day after we met with B in the park. Not too long after I posted it my husband received an email from his brother R, he was ready to talk. So that evening, that VERY evening, he came over with Beverly and from about 730p til 1am they talked and talked and talked.

The past slipped away before my very eyes. NEVER have I seen forgiveness like that. Men sure do amaze me LOL. Ive seen forgiveness but not so complete in an instant of time. At the end of the visit they hugged, said I love you and that it was over.

The next evening my husband got a call from M and they spoke and mended the fence(thankfully this fence wasnt hard to mend). Then the next afternoon, J called my husband after speaking with M and they mended their hearts.

The brothers put the past behind them and are looking forward to a future as a family. It was so instantanious that I think my jaw didnt leave the floor for ages. They said...we are over it and they were, in that instant! Amazing...

So, ever since then Dan has been visiting R and they've helped each other out. R and B had us over for a BBQ on Super Bowl weekend and tomorrow we are supposed to have another one. Dans helped them do many things and this is how they have "repayed" him. Its amazing, I dont think I can use that word enough.

Its also brought out something in me that I didnt know was possible. Just the slightest bit of jealousy. I guess because I had Dan all to myself for 6 1/2 yrs its hard to now share him? He now goes over to his brothers instead of coming straight homes sometimes, he gets up and does stuff on Sundays where before he just vegged. Its wonderful but there is a tiny piece of me that is jealous of the whole thing.

Odd isnt it? Im sure its not abnormal to feel this way but it makes me giggle because I wanted this reunion so badly for my husband and now this.

Life sure can throw you curve balls every so often and its really ok because most of the time, those curveballs, make your life interesting and educational.

So there is my update!

Letting Go...

Here is where pride comes in and we are hoping beyond hope that DH's brother, R, will let go of some of his and try to talk to my husband. My hubby would love nothing more than to reunite with his brothers, no one is getting younger and he knows their late mother would have never wanted this(the fight started at the time of her death about her will and such).

I am so amazingly proud of my husband!! Even as soon as this time last year he wouldnt have wanted a reunion, still hurt by the way his brothers treated him and their mother while she lay on her death bed and then right after she died. It hurt him a great deal and he wasnt up for releasing that anger and hurt. Now he is and I couldnt be prouder to see him let it go and focus on the future, not the past.

I adore my man!

We spent yesterday at a park with B and her daughter. My hubby and B talked it all out, she wants the family back together as well. I so hope that R lets go of some of his pride and lets go some of the anguish he feels that can only be fixed when he sees his mom again, and talks to my husband and that they can build a bridge for everyones sake.

Goings On

So, its been a while since I posted anything.
Much has happened and yet much has remained the same.

Christmas/Yule was nice. Kids enjoyed the tree most of all I think LOL.

New Year, new beginning and my baby turned a year old on the 14th. Time is fleeting and time runs faster than Speedy Gonzales.

Over the last few years, off and on, Ive looked for my husbands missing brothers. They last spoke nearly 11 yrs ago at the time of his mothers death. Things went downhill and they stopped speaking or caring about each other.

2 weeks ago, we found them on MySpace and the brother just younger than him, R, lives in the same city as we do. Small world...Im telling ya.

My hubby is the oldest of 4 brothers. R is his full brother. M and J have a different father.

I sent messages to R and J and both responded, angrily. Even after nearly 11 years they cant let go nor "man up" to the mistakes they made. J quickly said he wasnt ready and found my contacting them suspicious and hasnt contacted us since. R replied to a few messages and that was it. He pulled away, not ready to take on maturity yet. Dan emailed R since he, at the time, seemed more open and apologized for the little part he played in the disaster. R wouldnt write back, instead he pulled away and let his wife, B, handle it. So ever since then we've been exchanging emails with B. She wants the family back together but is also extremely insecure about many things.
The first few emails were about how the brothers wanted my husband to "man up"(as they worded it) to his part in the issue. Problem was they werent willing to do the same. When he apologized for wrongdoings, it wasnt enough...they expected him to take on more responsibility and apologize for basically everything that went down. Unfair, untrue, immature. It took 3 or 4 emails going over the same thing time and time again before my husband finally said enough. He finally said, no one is blameless here and if they cant or wont own up Im done trying. I refuse to repeat myself again. So the subject was changed slightly. Now we've found pictures of and for R so he can have something of their mothers and of his youth per B's request and desire.

So hopefully this weekend Dan will see B and give her those items. There is hopefully some "hope" that R and the others will come around. The 3rd brother, M, hasnt weighed in to anyone as he's been out for work issues. We dont know if he wants anything to do with us or not. B considers him the diplomatic one...guess we shall see but so far, nothing.

There is also a slight possibility my husband fathered another son nearly 18 years ago. B and R have mentioned him and how much he looked like my husband but my husband has severe doubts as to the child being his especially since the mother never bothered to try and do paternity of him when he was an infant and she knew where my husband lived,etc.

We've decided to not pursue this. IF this boy wants to know Dan or wants to do a DNA test to prove whether Dan's his father then we will go there. Until then its a subject brought up by people who have issues with Dan and would love to do nothing but cause him hurt(especially the brothers).

Now my middle son is crying so I must go see what his big brother did to him.

TTFN...