Monday, January 26, 2009

Letting Go...

Here is where pride comes in and we are hoping beyond hope that DH's brother, R, will let go of some of his and try to talk to my husband. My hubby would love nothing more than to reunite with his brothers, no one is getting younger and he knows their late mother would have never wanted this(the fight started at the time of her death about her will and such).

I am so amazingly proud of my husband!! Even as soon as this time last year he wouldnt have wanted a reunion, still hurt by the way his brothers treated him and their mother while she lay on her death bed and then right after she died. It hurt him a great deal and he wasnt up for releasing that anger and hurt. Now he is and I couldnt be prouder to see him let it go and focus on the future, not the past.

I adore my man!

We spent yesterday at a park with B and her daughter. My hubby and B talked it all out, she wants the family back together as well. I so hope that R lets go of some of his pride and lets go some of the anguish he feels that can only be fixed when he sees his mom again, and talks to my husband and that they can build a bridge for everyones sake.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Goings On

So, its been a while since I posted anything.
Much has happened and yet much has remained the same.

Christmas/Yule was nice. Kids enjoyed the tree most of all I think LOL.

New Year, new beginning and my baby turned a year old on the 14th. Time is fleeting and time runs faster than Speedy Gonzales.

Over the last few years, off and on, Ive looked for my husbands missing brothers. They last spoke nearly 11 yrs ago at the time of his mothers death. Things went downhill and they stopped speaking or caring about each other.

2 weeks ago, we found them on MySpace and the brother just younger than him, R, lives in the same city as we do. Small world...Im telling ya.

My hubby is the oldest of 4 brothers. R is his full brother. M and J have a different father.

I sent messages to R and J and both responded, angrily. Even after nearly 11 years they cant let go nor "man up" to the mistakes they made. J quickly said he wasnt ready and found my contacting them suspicious and hasnt contacted us since. R replied to a few messages and that was it. He pulled away, not ready to take on maturity yet. Dan emailed R since he, at the time, seemed more open and apologized for the little part he played in the disaster. R wouldnt write back, instead he pulled away and let his wife, B, handle it. So ever since then we've been exchanging emails with B. She wants the family back together but is also extremely insecure about many things.
The first few emails were about how the brothers wanted my husband to "man up"(as they worded it) to his part in the issue. Problem was they werent willing to do the same. When he apologized for wrongdoings, it wasnt enough...they expected him to take on more responsibility and apologize for basically everything that went down. Unfair, untrue, immature. It took 3 or 4 emails going over the same thing time and time again before my husband finally said enough. He finally said, no one is blameless here and if they cant or wont own up Im done trying. I refuse to repeat myself again. So the subject was changed slightly. Now we've found pictures of and for R so he can have something of their mothers and of his youth per B's request and desire.

So hopefully this weekend Dan will see B and give her those items. There is hopefully some "hope" that R and the others will come around. The 3rd brother, M, hasnt weighed in to anyone as he's been out for work issues. We dont know if he wants anything to do with us or not. B considers him the diplomatic one...guess we shall see but so far, nothing.

There is also a slight possibility my husband fathered another son nearly 18 years ago. B and R have mentioned him and how much he looked like my husband but my husband has severe doubts as to the child being his especially since the mother never bothered to try and do paternity of him when he was an infant and she knew where my husband lived,etc.

We've decided to not pursue this. IF this boy wants to know Dan or wants to do a DNA test to prove whether Dan's his father then we will go there. Until then its a subject brought up by people who have issues with Dan and would love to do nothing but cause him hurt(especially the brothers).

Now my middle son is crying so I must go see what his big brother did to him.

TTFN...